This just in: Joe Six-Pack, who recently changed his name from Joe Wall Street and was bailed out to the tune of more than a trillion dollars by his Uncle Bill (Sam) has caught the flu and checked himself in to a local hospital under his assumed name of Joe Six-Pack. I have also just received word that he had just given his name and information to the desk-clerk when he passed out and is currently lying on the floor of the emergency room and being totally ignored by the doctors, nurses and patients around him. Excuse me please but I’d better call the hospital.

Well, I called the hospital and informed them of Joe Six-Pack’s real identity and was informed that he was at a public hospital but now that they know WHO he really is they are transferring him to a private-for-profit hospital across town and as soon as I hear something …

I’m on the phone with the private-for-profit hospital where Joe Wall Street, alias Joe Six-Pack was recently transferred and I hope I can find something out; this is the third doctor I’ve talked to:

“Hello, what’s that you can’t say … look … ah, shh … he hung up, ah hello, hello, hello who’s this … who … oh the operator … ah look could you please transfer me to Joe Wall Street’s room? What? Ah, yes he was calling himself Joe Six-Pack see but his real name is … what’s that … oh sure, I understand if his name was Joe Six-Pack he would be across town and … what’s that the last you heard they were transporting him back across town because he identified himself as Joe Six-Pack? Bu’ … but I told you who he really is … what? Well, who can I talk to then? Who? The paramedic in the ambulance has a cell-phone? Well, could you please connect me? Look, this is very important a whole economic system could possibly be on the line here, really, yes, okay…
ah … hello who’s this? You’re the paramedic in the ambulance taking Joe Six-Pack to the Public hospital? But why? I know that but I told them already his name is really Joe Wall Street … yes … that’s right. What? You’re turning the ambulance around to go back to the private-for-profit hospital? but why? What? That’s the system but … oh shh’ … he hung up again.”

“Well, here I am again, on the phone with the private-for-profit hospital and nobody knows anything. Hello, what; who is this? You’re a patient at the hospital say could you do me a favor? Just find out for me what happened to Joe Wall Street okay, he’s a patient there, I think?
Well, it’s been ten minutes and … what, hello, what … he what? Did you say the patient died? But how? What, while he was being transferred to the Public hospital … you mean he died while he was in transit? What do you mean you can only say that the patient just died because that’s how the system works? Ah, she hung up … the patient just died … uh-oh!”